No matter what you are working to recover from one day you will wake up and realize that you are not who you were before said thing. For me “One day” was about four and a half years after my paralysis. For those of you that follow my timeline or read my book you will know that this realization was fairly recent. One day last week I woke up and noticed that each goal I was working towards was for the old me and had no relevance in my life where I stand today. The realization that for years I had been plugging away at things that had no meaning or value to me anymore left me sobbing.
It was a bitter pill to swallow, yet at the same time It took a huge weight off my shoulders. As someone with extremely high self expectations, I had to stop beating myself up for no longer wanting any of those old dreams to come true. It was tough, but it is no surprise that the most trying years of my existence would force me to reevaluate and in turn want the exact opposite of what I strived for before. The more I pondered the more I realized that If I pursued my old goals I would never have the time to do the things that make my heart beat.
No Matter the cause we all lose ourselves at some point in life and what really matters is getting to a point where you are happy and flourishing again. I could say that I have a plan for whats coming next, but from day-to-day I am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. Some days I will write, others It will just be physio, and that’s okay because I am finally going to take the time my body needs to continue to heal.